Here, a big red button, a tiny article. In my life, the biggest change and even more to come. Today I decided I wanted to write up some more of this story. Maybe I can help someone with it. Maybe I can help myself. Two more weeks till the three-year mark.

Today was April 24th 2017

Me in my work clothes just a few days before the accident.

I had a lovely job at a garden centre in Prinsenbeek. Happy colors all day long. I was a cashier. It was a Monday, like all Mondays. Went to the supermarket to get some food for lunchtime and drove of to work. I had a black 25km/h scooter. Loved and hated that little thing.

I remember hearing Christina Aguilera on my headphones. One of the songs from Burlesque. One in my ear, one out to hear traffic. Stupid tunnels in the Haagse Beemden still closed, so taking the longer route. Just before the McDonald’s I cross the road, and then I’m almost at station Prinsenbeek. That’s where it all went south.

One minute I’m driving along, the other I’m on the pavement. It was sunny, I remember the blue skies as I was laying on the pavement… As i went to cross the road near the station, one of the lines gave me priority. (Please don’t do this when the situation says you have priority) I started crossing and never saw the car coming.

It’s a 50 km/h road, where most people drive 70 at that time. Since neither of us saw each other, I was hit with 50/ 70 km/h.

There I was. Laying on the pavement. I couldn’t catch my breath. All wind knocked out of me. There were all kinds of people around me. A sweet, sweet man was talking to me. He tried to get me to talk, but I was still catching my breath. He was calm. I remember his calm. My head was bleeding. He held it. First aid kits came out of cars. There was also a woman. She asked me if I had a phone. “I do”. She asked me where I had it. “My inner pocket”. She said she would try to get it and I should tell her to stop if she hurt me. I nodded. I don’t remember unlocking it, but I probably did. She asked me who to call. She called my then boyfriend. He would know what to do.

At that point, I started crying and screaming. I had found some breath and everything was hurting. My leg felt weird, big, huge even. But what hurt most was my head and my arm. My arm was laying across my chest. And every breath hurt my arm. Time was slow. The sweet man stayed calm. He kept talking to me. I tried to not cry and just breath. I watched the blue skies. They were sort of soothing. The ambulance took forever. They tell me forever was 15 min. My accident was in a bad place. So traffic was backed-up.

The ambulance people did their work. Here my memories get ruffled. They needed to put in an intravenous drip thingy and they were failing on my hand. They were tugging my jacket. “Just cut it.” I specifically remember telling them to cut it. They were hurting me, and I really didn’t care about a jacket. In movies, they cut stuff, wasn’t this what they do in real life?

They explained I would get something, so I would get knocked out, so they could move me. I would wake up inside the ambulance. “Ehmmm oke…?” They were right, I woke up next to the ambulance. People say I screamed my head off while knocked out when they moved me. If they say so…?? No idea, I was out. The sky was still so blue.

I remember the ambulance being very white inside. I asked the paramedic where I was and what was happening about 20 times. At one point, he told his colleague, “It’s a good thing she won’t remember”. But that sentence is basically the only thing I remember from the ride to the hospital. I felt confused.

After that, it gets even more blurry. They did cut away my clothes. I remember the weird feeling when they cut my bra.

I remember chaos.

I remember the first time my boyfriend came in. He looked scared. He told me his parents were coming and that he called my mom.

I remember asking where mom was. He called her again, she was coming. I wanted my mom.

I remember feeling tired.

I remember nurses getting their buts kicked, because my head still wasn’t stitched up.

I remember something about casts being put on, but not much.

I remember them saying I needed surgery

I remember being scared.

I was scared. I stayed in the hospital nine days. That Monday, they did surgery on my leg. Two days later, they did surgery on my arm. They had me on morphine pills, so my memory got hazy.

This is where my new life started. Nothing would ever be the same. Even now, almost three years later, this is where I stand and where I struggle. I hope writing some of this down will help me come to terms with everything and maybe help someone who is going through this too.

Pictures by Perry Roovers.